


The Monster You Made

by hitchcock_winter



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mick Rory Needs a Hug, Mick Rory is Bad at Feelings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Ray, Season 2, atomwave, broken mick rory, but still in character though?, first fic here, first legends fic, not enough gen fic either, not enough ray & mick friendship fic, the crew is kind of mean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:12:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24472576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hitchcock_winter/pseuds/hitchcock_winter
Summary: Mick starts experiencing PTSD and it takes forever for the crew to notice. Except for Ray.
Relationships: Ray Palmer & Mick Rory
Comments: 20
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a simple H/C and friendship fic. Not sure exactly how long it's going to be. Meant to write a one-off, but... here we are.
> 
> Happens sometime in season 2, before Rip comes back. 
> 
> It's been years since I've written anything, but I was not seeing enough Ray & Mick friendship fic. (Please send recos!!) Will likely cross-post to fanfic.net. Enjoy!

Ray was the first one to notice the change in Mick. And he was very upset when, for the longest time, he was the only one to notice. 

“Mick, couldja do us all a favour and get _off of the light switch_?” When Sara was in a bad mood, she was not the type of person to hide it and today was no exception.

Ray turned just in time to watch a look flicker over Mick’s face. It happened so quickly, Ray wasn’t sure if he had imagined it. And there was no way Mick had been _afraid_. 

Mick typically would have growled at her, confronted her, threatened her. Ultimately he always listened to Sara, to the rest of them, though not without a front. But instead, he blinked, gave a quick nod, and left the bridge.

Ray glanced around at the others. Most had not noticed or been bothered by their captain’s outburst. Jax continued to tinker with one of the Waverider’s control panels. Stein hadn’t even stopped reading his book. Amaya and Nate did raise their eyebrows at Sara, but returned immediately to their conversation. 

Ray thought about following the gruff introvert, but he knew Mick would ignore his inquiries anyway. So he left him alone. And didn’t speak up when he noticed that Mick was even more sparse than usual.

The next time Ray noticed Mick’s strange behaviour was a week later when they were on a mission in the 13th century Amazon rainforest, trying to return an artifact that had been stolen and sold in the 22nd century. Mick was leaning comfortably in the crevasse of a moss-covered tree trunk, listening to the others bicker about the plan. Suddenly, Firestorm sent a fiery shot immediately beside Mick’s head, killing the spider that had been slinking down onto his shoulder.

Mick dropped down in surprise, his eyes shocked and fearful at Firestorm. The crew laughed at him, playing it off as the pyromaniac merely being startled. But Mick, again, didn’t growl, or threaten. He remained seated, pressed against the tree, watching the Stein-Jax duo like his life depended on it.

The crew moved on, not noticing when Mick didn’t immediately follow.

Ray frowned at the tension in Mick’s jaw, the slight tremor in his gloved hand that was gripping the root of the tree so hard it should have split in two. The Atom reached down to offer his hand, his stomach dropping when Mick flinched away. But he kept his hand there, and the pyromaniac eventually grabbed it and got to his feet. Ray didn’t comment, ignoring the embarrassed flush of the other man’s face. They walked side-by-side to catch up with the group.

Back on the Waverider, Mick continued to hide in his room, surfacing only for food and only when there were few people out and about. 

The others didn’t notice, but Ray did. 

He remained only moderately worried until one night he was walking to the kitchen for a glass of milk, unable to sleep. He paused when he heard noises coming from Mick’s room. 

They were subtle, muffled through the hard metal, but strange enough to make him pause. He pressed his ear against the door, wincing at the cold as he listened.

There was rustling and grunting, which confused Ray until he realized that Mick was probably asleep, trapped in a vivid dream.

And then he heard his friend’s gruff voice, “no… don’t. please…. sorry…”

A shiver of panic went up Ray’s spine, unable to handle his friend’s pained tone. “Gideon, can you open Mick’s door, please?”

“I’m sorry Mr. Palmer, but Mr. Rory has requested that his door remain locked to everyone but himself.”

“Can I override that somehow? He seems… he sounds…”

“Mr. Rory is not in any danger. He is merely having a dream.”

“I know but... “ Ray allowed himself to trail off, not entirely sure that Gideon would understand. The A.I. was surprisingly human, but if he had to explain _why_ he wanted to wake Mick up, maybe she wouldn’t get this.

Ray knocked on the door, hard enough so that Mick could hopefully hear him, but not too loud to wake everyone else. He listened, hoping it was enough, but he could still hear his friend thrash around. 

Ray knocked again, slightly louder. “Mick,” he tried projecting through the door at a volume that would hopefully penetrate through. 

Still nothing. He heard Rory’s voice, unintelligible, but clearly in distress.

This time, Ray pounded loudly.

The thrashing stopped. There was a beat, and then the muffled sound of Mick’s voice asking, “Who’s there?”

Gideon responded. “Mr. Palmer is outside your door, Mr. Rory.”

“What does he want?” This was quieter.

“I believe he wanted to wake you up.”

Another pause, and then some shuffling. “Gideon, open the door.”

The metallic hatch hissed open and Mick stood there, a white tee and boxer shorts showing off his burns in a way that made him look vulnerable. He eyed Ray with a wary look. “What d’ya want?” He asked, with far less edge than Ray was used to.

“I, uh,” Ray blinked. “Just wanted to –”

“What the hell are you two idiots playing at?” Sara’s shout cut through the air.

Mick flinched, fear momentarily flickering in his eyes before dying quickly away. Ray frowned, turning to see their captain glaring at him from down the hallway with crossed arms. He forced a trademark smile. “Sorry! Just tripped on my way to the kitchen.”

He could tell she didn’t believe him, but she rolled her eyes and walked back into her quarters. A few of the others peeked out of their rooms, likely woken by Sara rather than Ray. They shrugged and went back to bed.

Ray turned back to look at Mick. Mick looked back at him, expression slightly confused but mostly guarded.

“You tripped, huh?” It was more of a statement than a question.

“I, uh,” Ray faltered, knowing that Mick hated any sort of interaction that involved admitting caring, or feelings, or any of that ‘bullshit sap.’ This was where Ray could make something up to avoid embarrassing the pyromaniac. 

But finally, he couldn’t handle not knowing. “Are… are you okay?” Ray finally spat out. 

Mick’s face quickly flitted through emotions – surprise, shame, and something akin to longing – before his mask slipped back on. “What do ya mean?”

“I, uh…” Ray shifted. “Just wanted to make sure.”

Mick’s eyes narrowed. “I’m fine,” he growled.

“Okay. But, I’m just over there, if you need anything.” Ray gave him a sympathetic smile.

Mick growled again, turned, and closed the door behind him.

Ray sighed and stood there for a moment before heading back to his own room, forgetting about his journey for milk.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray continues to notice that Mick's having a tough time.

Ray found himself keeping a close eye on Mick, and whatever was going on with the firestarter was getting worse. 

A few days after the dream incident, they were on a mission in 2036, where an aberration large enough to cause a time quake helped one of the Trump children take the presidency of the United States. The team found themselves unintentionally in the middle of a late night riot. A police officer shot off a round of rubber bullets, spraying just above their heads as he, Mick and Nate ran with a group of protestors.

“This is not how you treat citizens!” Ray shouted over his shoulder. Not looking where he was going, he suddenly tripped and went flying. He landed on his stomach on the pavement, jeans and hands ripped to shreds.

Groaning, he rolled over to pull himself up when he noticed what he had tripped over.

It was Mick.

Mick was squatting down, his hands tightly over his head. Ray could see that the man’s eyes were squeezed shut, and he was gasping for breath.

“Mick,” Ray crawled over to his friend. 

Rory didn’t seem to hear him. When Ray reached him, he could make out words coming from his friend between gasps: “Make it stop make it stop make it stop…”

“Are you okay?” Ray said gently, tentatively grabbing his friend’s shoulder.

Mick jolted at the touch, looking wide-eyed at Ray.

“Hey Mick, it’s me,” Ray said. “You okay?”

It took a long moment, but Mick’s eyes finally focused on Ray’s. He glanced around, blinking at the chaos around them. 

“Do you know where we are?” Ray asked him.

Mick grunted in affirmation, standing up.

“Guys! What’s the holdup?” Nate had backtracked to find them.

“We’re meeting back at the warehouse,” Ray reminded Mick. “Let’s go.” 

Mick nodded and followed the others the rest of the way.

When they got back to the meetup point, Ray couldn’t help but notice that the pyromaniac was still shaking.

***

About a week after that, Ray was beside Mick at the kitchen table with some cereal and a textbook when Jax accidentally dropped his dishes in the sink a little too hard. Mick jumped up, his bare hands gripping the edge of the table so tight his knuckles were white.

“Sorry guys,” Jax said as he turned to face the other two people in the room. This time, for the first time, he noticed Mick’s behaviour. “Dude, are you okay?” He took a step toward Mick with concern.

Mick was breathing fast, and a sheen of sweat had coated his bald head. His eyes seemed wild, and like he was looking directly through Jefferson.

“Mick?” Ray said tentatively. 

Mick’s head turned quickly to Ray, though it was like he didn’t see Ray, either. 

“Mick. Are you okay?” Ray asked.

Mick’s eyes began to slowly focus, like he was just noticing the scientist beside him. His breathing started to slow, and after a minute he straightened his back and let go of the edge of the table. 

“You good?” Jax asked.

Mick looked from Ray to Jax, just realizing the mechanic was there. He grunted and shook his head – not as a response, but as if he was trying to clear it. Then he quickly left the kitchen without another sound.

Ray and Jax exchanged looks, but they didn’t say anything.

***

Finally, Ray did say something.

The team was debriefing on the bridge about a quick mission to restore power to the Northeast blackout of North America in 2003. The aberration had forced the blackout to be weeks, changing the course of some major political decisions in Canada. 

“I remember that blackout,” Ray said. “My parents were in Metropolis. I didn’t hear from them for weeks.”

“But the blackout was only for four days,” Nate pointed out.

“Ah… yeah.” Ray’s face fell slightly.

“Nothing like a good Canadian beer,” Mick changed the topic, setting a six-pack down loudly between himself and Ray. He cracked open a bottle and offered it to Ray, who held up a hand to refuse. Mick shrugged and chugged it back.

“Guys, we were pretty close to missing that electrical repair van. We need to figure out how to make sure traffic isn’t the thing that takes this team down,” Sara said.

“We could invest in some defensive driving courses for the team,” Stein suggested.

“My driving is fine, thank _you_ ,” Jax responded. “Besides, you’re only saying that because you’re never the driver.”

“How about we tune in to the local traffic monitoring systems?” Ray suggested. “Get strategic before we even set the Waverider down.”

“I like it,” Sara pointed at Ray.

Mick burped into a hand, half-heartedly trying to cover it.

“Do you mind, Mr. Rory?” Professor Stein asked with indignation. “Just because your oafish brain has no interest in improving our strategies does not mean the rest of us aren’t too idiotic to try and learn.”

Mick blinked at him in surprise. He ducked his head. “Sorry,” He grunted quietly before gathering his beer and leaving the bridge.

Ray looked around at his teammates, who once again seemed unphased by Mick’s response. “Does _no one_ else think that was weird?” he exclaimed, frustrated and disappointed.

They were startled at what was as close to an outburst as Ray ever had. 

Jax looked pointedly at Stein. “Well, the professor could have been a little nicer.”

“You cannot blame Mr. Rory’s fiery temper on me, Jefferson.”

“Seems to me he wasn’t the one who lashed out.” Jax retorted.

“Ray’s right. It is kinda weird that Mick just left instead of, you know, growling at him.” Sara said, folding her arms thoughtfully.

Amaya nodded in agreement. “He seemed reserved.”

“He probably just needs some time to cool off,” Nate waved a hand dismissively.

“He’s Heatwave. He doesn’t cool,” Jax laughed.

“He’s been like this for weeks. You can’t honestly say that you haven’t noticed,” Ray's question was rhetorical.

The team’s silence was enough confirmation he needed.

“I can’t believe you guys. We’re supposed to be a team.” Ray shook his head. “Jax, you know what I’m talking about. Remember the kitchen?”

Jax sobered a little. 

“Well what do you expect us to do, Mr. Palmer? Mr. Rory’s not exactly the hand-holding type,” Stein said.

Care a little, Ray thought. He shrugged. “I’ll go talk to him.”

Mick wasn’t in his room like Ray had expected. Only the beer was waiting there. Frowning, he continued down the hall to find Snart’s old room open, and Mick leaning against the wall just on the inside. 

Amaya and Nate had both tried to occupy the quarters when they joined the group, but Mick wouldn’t let them. The team had backed him up. 

But where was the team now?

“Hey,” Ray greeted, internally kicking himself as Mick jumped a little. “Sorry about the professor. He can be… he doesn’t speak for all of us.”

Mick crossed his arms and grunted. 

The scientist was at a loss. Too much ‘touch-feely shit’ and he would push Mick away. And “too much” was a low bar for the pyromaniac. 

“Sometimes I feel like I can hear his voice,” Ray said, nodding his head at Leonard’s bed.

Mick didn’t respond, but was watching Ray out of the corner of his eye.

“I miss him too.” Ray stopped himself short of a hand on Mick’s shoulder. “Um… is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” Mick rumbled.

“Because if it wasn’t, well… you know, that’s okay too.”

Mick gave a low growl.

“Did you want to talk about anything?”

Mick scowled. “Trying to get me to sing kumbaya, Haircut?”

“I mean, with everything we do… sometimes talking helps. You know, keep sane.”

“Right. Because the pyromaniac was recruited for his sanity.”

Ray gave a small laugh. He leaned against the wall beside Mick, allowing the silence between them to become comfortable. Or, as comfortable as it could be. Finally, when it was clear that Mick wasn’t going to open up, Ray said, “He’s not your only friend here.”

This time Mick looked directly at him. 

Ray gave a sympathetic smile. “Just so you know.” And with that, left the pyro to himself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mick’s behaviour takes a sharp turn for the worst after an altercation with Nate. Ray is disappointed by how the rest of the Legends react.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is becoming a collection of moments that I'm hopefully stringing together cohesively. I'm expecting it to be 6-7 chapters in total. I've also maybe already started putting together a Ray-centric sequel? Stay tuned and let me know what you think. :)

It was late in the evening one day when Nate, Jax and Amaya were having drinks in the library. Ray had stumbled upon the gathering when he went to see if there were any additional books on Arthurian legend, and stopped to enjoy a club soda and his friends being drunk.

“Arrow is probbly stronger, but the Flash would win any time,” Nate slurred. He seemed to have had more drinks than the rest of the group.

“But the question was, who is _stronger_ ,” Amaya reminded him.

“The question should really be, who’s the strongest on our team?” Ray asked.

“Oh that’s easy,” Jax said laughing. “Mick’s thick head.”

“Pfft, yeah right,” Nate said, steeling up. “I’m obsiously the strongest.”

“What about me?” Jax asked indignantly. 

“When you’re Firestorm, you’re two people,” Ray said. “Doesn’t count.”

“Everryone needs something else to make them strong. You have yer suit, you have yer totem and you have yer… professor,” Nate slurred as he pointed to his friends one at a time. “I’m juss me.”

“Thank you Ray,” Ray reminded him.

“Thank you, Ray,” Nate repeated.

“I think Mick could take you,” Amaya laughed.

“The man was born as hard as a rock,” Jax agreed.

It was at that moment that Mick walked in, surprised to see the group of them.

“We’ll see about that,” Nate slurred. To everyone’s surprise, Nate quickly strode toward Mick, steeled up and punched him in the face. Hard. 

The force of the hit sent Mick flying, landing unceremoniously on his backside. If it had been anyone else, the force of Nate’s metallic hit would have knocked them out. But instead, Mick lifted his hand to his face and stared up at him.

Ray watched as a kaleidoscope of emotions flitted across the pyromaniac’s face. Fear. Betrayal. Anger. And then fear again. 

Nate froze, seemingly coming to his senses. “I’m ss’rry man,” he slurred, stepping toward the downed ex-con.

Mick kicked himself backward and away from the drunk historian. “Don’t touch me…”

“Whhhat? No man, I’m ss’rry,” Nate said and approached him with a hand out to help him up.

Mick threw his arms up and over his head. “No more,” he said.

“I think you’ve had enough,” Ray said, coming over to stop Nate from approaching Mick any further.

Nate tried to shake Ray’s hand from his arm. “Whass his problem? I said I was sorry.”

“I think it’s bedtime,” Ray said, his voice lowering in his seriousness. “Don’t make me wake Sara.”

“Pfft. Whatever man,” Nate finally shook Ray off and brushed past him more roughly than he should have, leaving the library. Amaya and Jax filed out after him, throwing apologetic looks over their shoulders.

“Hey Mick,” Ray said, looking down at his friend on the floor. “You okay?”

Mick slowly lowered his arms and looked around. He blinked, looking confused.

“Nate left,” Ray said, not sure what else to say.

Mick eyed Ray warily as he got to his feet. Ray winced at the bruise rapidly developing on the pyromaniac’s right eye. “God. We should put something on that…” He automatically began reaching out to his friend but stopped when Mick took a step backward.

“Don’t… don’t touch me…” Mick rumbled, ducking his head.

“No, I wasn’t…” Ray swallowed and dropped his hand. “What can I do for you right now?”

Mick blinked at him. He hesitated, eyeing something behind Ray. 

It took Ray a moment before he realized what Mick was looking at – the door. He shifted to the left, opening himself up so that Mick could easily get by.

Mick took a wide berth and quickly exited the library.

* * *

The next day, Sara asked Gideon to have the team meet her on the bridge. They had discovered a new aberration during the Swedish Viking age and it was time for a mission.

Mick was the last person on the bridge, shuffling in with his head low. His black eye peeked out from beneath his low brow. 

Ray, Amaya and Jax glanced over at Nate. Nate ducked his head in shame.

“Glad you could finally join us, Rory,” Sara said, partially joking and partially serious.

“Yes sir. Uh, ma’am.” Mick flinched. “Uh, sorry…”

Sara shot him a confused look before turning back to the screen in front of her. She continued to brief the team on the mission ahead.

For potentially the first time ever, they pulled the mission off without a hitch. But the team couldn’t help but notice that Mick was quiet, withdrawn and listening to everything everyone said.

* * *

A few days later, Ray entered the kitchen to see Jax and Professor Stein. He raised an eyebrow when he realized that they seemed to be... conspiring.

“What’s the play?” He asked jovially. A mischievous Professor Stein was rare indeed.

The Firestorm duo shot each other a look, an unspoken discussion.

“We’re going to experiment,” Jax finally said. 

“Ooh, science,” Ray said enthusiastically. “Count me in.”

“We’re just waiting for Mr. Rory,” Stein added. “He often visits the kitchen at this time for a snack.”

“Mick? Why?” Ray tilted his head.

“You’ll see,” Jax gave him a crooked smile.

As if on queue, Mick entered the kitchen. He saw the three of them and hesitated. He looked as if he were going to leave when Professor Stein said, “Stop, Mr. Rory.”

And Mick stopped.

“Come here, Mr. Rory.”

Head low, Mick did as he was told and approached the trio. 

Ray’s stomach dropped when he realized what was going on.

“Mr. Rory, fabricate me a ham and cheese sandwich, please.” Stein commanded.

Mick glanced up briefly before nodding and looking back down. He shuffled over to the fabricator, requested the sandwich and brought it back to Stein. He then stood there, arms crossed, as if waiting for another order.

“Get me a Coke,” Jax said.

Mick nodded again, and retrieved the pop from the fridge. 

“Mr. Rory, can you please get a copy of Shakespear’s sonnets from the library?”

Mick’s eyes flicked up and then down again. Ray couldn’t help but see the helplessness in them.

Jax and Stein started laughing the moment Mick left.

“I don’t think this is funny,” Ray grumbled.

“It’s for science,” Jax’s eyes twinkled.

Stein cleared his throat, becoming serious again. “Yes, well, this is just a test. We will have to let the captain know, of course.”

It took Mick over fifteen minutes, but he finally made it back with the volume in hand. He went to hand it to the professor, who stopped him.

“Read page 53,” Stein said.

Mick blinked back confusion, but parted the pages with gloved hands until he found the right one. “So, are, you, to, my, thoughts, as... food to life,” he began in a robotic voice.

“Read it louder,” Jax said.

Mick cleared his throat and spoke louder. “Uh… Or as sweet see… see… season...ed showers are to the ground…”

“Stop,” Ray’s voice caught in his throat. Mick listened, even though Ray was talking to the others. “Why are you doing this?”

“I just wanted to be sure,” Stein said. “It is clear that Mr. Rory is not himself.”

“That doesn’t mean you get to treat him like a – a – servant. Or a joke.” 

“We’re just having a little fun,” Jax said quietly.

“At the expense of his mental health?”

Stein and Jax exchanged looks. 

“I apologize, Mr. Rory,” Stein said.

Mick frowned, confused.

“Go tell Sara,” Ray glared at them. The duo left quietly.

Mick remained, shifting uncomfortably under Ray’s scrutiny. 

“Mick, can you look at me?” 

Mick brought his eyes up to meet Ray’s.

“Are you okay?”

Mick blinked, confused. He glanced around at the kitchen.

“Can you tell me what you need right now?” Ray asked.

He was met with silence as Mick’s brow furrowed further. 

“Are you hungry?” Ray asked hopefully.

Mick thought about it, and then nodded. 

“Alright, let’s get you some food.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara makes a tough call on how to manage Mick while they finish a mission, and Ray does not approve.

Despite the discovery that Mick’s mental state was obviously worse-for-wear, Sara decided to continue to bring Heat Wave on missions.

“He’s listening better than ever before,” She shrugged after Stein asked if she thought it was a good idea. “I trust him.”

Surprisingly, the missions seemed to go more smoothly for a while. Mick was still invaluable as the muscle and the thief without the distraction of his own ideas.

The whole thing made Ray uncomfortable, but until he could figure out how to help his friend, he stayed quiet.

Two weeks later, the shit hit the fan.

“What happened out there?” Frustration leaked out of their captain’s voice as Sara greeted her team arriving back on the Waverider. She had stayed behind to command while the group had barely escaped capture by robots in the 23rd century. They had retreated, and the mission had not been completed.

“ _Someone_ got distracted by the smelting fire,” Nate rolled his eyes. 

Sara looked over at Mick, who ducked his head. 

“Sometimes I just want to smack some sense into you,” Sara took a few steps toward Mick, her hand raised, pretending like she was going to back-hand him.

No one thought for one second that she was going to hit Mick, but the effect was immediate. 

The man paled and stumbled back, hands shooting up defensively. 

“Please, don’t… I – I’ll… no more.”

“What?” Sara asked, shock filling her voice.

Mick’s back found the wall. “I – I’ll be good.”

Sara’s arms dropped by her side, and she took a tiny step back. “What?”

“I’ll be good.” His eyes were pleading, but lowered. Submissive. 

This time, the rest of the crew went pale.

“Mick, I –” Sara stepped toward the ex-con again, stopping mid-sentence when he dropped into a squat and threw his hands over his head.

“What?” Sara asked again, looking around at the crew.

“Just leave him alone,” Ray said in a low voice, stepping up beside her.

“I wasn’t going to hurt him…” 

“I know,” Ray said. “Let me handle this. You should leave.”

Sara looked as if she were about to object, but Ray shot her a look. She nodded, and signaled for the rest of the crew to fall back with her.

Oh god Mick, what happened to you? Ray thought. “Mick,” he said out loud.

The pyromaniac didn’t respond, but didn’t retreat further, either. 

“Do you know where you are?” Ray asked gently.

It took him a moment, but Mick eventually grunted, “Waverider.”

Ray nodded. “Yeah, that’s good. Do you remember what just happened?”

Mick’s eyes searched the floor in front of him. “She was going to… I got caught up in the fire again. He gets so mad... when I can’t pay attention…”

“Who, Mick?” Ray asked. He had been easing slowly toward the other man.

“I don’t mean to do it,” Mick muttered, lowering his arms and looking up at Ray. “Can’t help it.”

“I know,” Ray gave a smile. “I believe you. But who tried to hurt you?” He had lowered himself down to Mick’s level.

Mick blinked at him. He looked around, confused. “Dad. No. Captain? I…”

“Hey,” Ray said softly. “It’s okay. How about we get you to your room?”

Mick gave a nod, and surprisingly let Ray help him to his feet. The rest of the crew, who had been watching from the door to the bridge, parted silently to let them through. 

“Just rest,” Ray suggested as he watched Mick enter his bedroom and sit down on his bed.

Mick nodded again. “Yessir.” He muttered.

Ray swallowed, biting down the hurt that came with Mick thinking he would actually order him around. He thought about correcting him, but decided that now was not the time.

* * *

A few hours later, Sara called Nate, Amaya and Ray onto the bridge to talk about finishing the mission.

“I’m going to head out with you. Now that we know where the data is stored, we should be able to get in and out fairly quickly. The only problem is that they’ll be expecting us." 

“I guess that’s why having a fresh face is going to help,” Amaya said.

Sara nodded. “Exactly. Also, I should tell you… I’ve decided that we’re going to have to leave Heat Wave behind.”

This wasn’t entirely a surprise to the group, considering Mick had been acting strangely to begin with. After his encounter with Sara, it was clear he was unwell.

“Do you think he’s going to be okay on his own?” Amaya asked with concern.

“No, I don’t think so. Which is why we’re going to lock him up.”

“What?” Ray cried in disbelief. “You can’t do that. He’s not our prisoner.” 

Sara gave Ray a pointed look. “It’s already done,” she said.

Shock and betrayal washed over Ray before he turned and ran toward the brig.

Firestorm had just finished depositing Mick unceremoniously into the glass cell and closed the door behind them.

The pyromaniac spun around and stared at the two – now three – of them, eyes wide with fear. “No,” he rumbled. “No, not this. Let me out.”

“Let him out,” Ray shouted as he pushed past Jax and Professor Stein to open the door.

“Gideon, do not let anyone open that door,” Sara commanded from behind him.

Ray’s sudden movement had Mick stumbling back a few feet.

“What is wrong with you?” Ray spun and accused Sara in disbelief.

“Excuse me?” Sara crossed her arms.

“The man is having a full-blown incident and your strategy is to keep him against his will? _Like we’re the bad guys_?”

“We just have to finish the mission. He can’t hurt himself – or us – from in there.”

“No, because we’re hurting him instead!” 

“You trust us, right Mick?” Sara smiled at the pyromaniac hopefully.

“You’re gonna mess with my mind,” Mick growled.

“What? No. We’re trying to keep you safe.”

“You said that last time,” Mick said. “Then you turned me into Chronos.” He closed his eyes and roughly shook his head. 

Sara swallowed, wavering. Then she shook her own head. “We’ll be back. He’ll be fine. This way, we don’t have to watch him.”

“I’ll be good,” Mick said, pleadingly. “I’ll do anything.”

Sara winced. “It’s just until we get back,” she said to the whole room.

“You can’t do this to him. This is only going to make him worse.” Ray didn’t know how he knew – he just did.

“We don’t have a choice,” Sara glanced at the cell – at Mick – apologetically. “We don’t know if we can trust him.”

“Of course we can!” Ray couldn’t believe his ears. “He’s proved that he’s changed. He’s saved my life – our lives – multiple times.”

“I know, it’s not that.” Sara began to out of the brig, Ray tailing behind. “But he needs help, Ray. And we don’t have time to give it to him. He’ll be safer there, for now.”

“You’re making a big mistake.”

Sara shook her head. “It would be a bigger mistake to bring him with us, or to leave him alone with no supervision.”

“I’ll watch him,” Ray said as they made their way to the armoury.

“I need you with us. We’ll need your suit to try and blend in with the robot guards at the warehouse.”

Ray was a people-pleaser. He wanted to make everyone happy. He felt compelled to listen to her, but he knew that he couldn’t. He felt sick. “I am not leaving him.”

Sara sighed. “Fine. But he stays locked up.” She jabbed a finger at him to make her point. 

“You can’t do this,” Ray raised his voice in disbelief.

“That’s an order,” Sara growled back.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray tries to keep Mick company while the rest of the crew are away completing the mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of a drabble from Mick's point of view in the middle of this. Trying something new. Enjoy!

By the time the team had departed and Ray made his way back to the brig, Mick was sitting in the left corner of the cell, far from the door. He had his arms around his knees and his head against the wall, his eyes pinched shut as if in pain. 

“Gideon, please open the cell.” Ray’s voice was pleading. He knew it was a waste of effort.

“Captain Lance has forbidden me or anyone else from opening Mr. Rory’s cell in her absence, Dr. Palmer.”

“There has to be something you can do.”

“I’m afraid that I cannot.”

He didn’t know it was possible to feel betrayed by AI. 

He thought about grabbing a chair, but sitting above Mick felt off. The power balance was already something he was uncomfortable with. So Ray sat on the floor, so that he also had his back in the same direction as Mick, but on the other side of the cell to give his friend some space.

“It should only be for a few hours,” Ray said, not sure if he was trying to convince himself or Mick.

Mick didn’t respond. Ray fought against his primal urge to fill the space with words. What could he even say that would make this situation okay?

“They always say it’s for your own good,” Mick’s rumbling voice cut through the silence.

“What is?” Ray asked quietly.

“Locking you up. It’s always ‘for your own good.’ Or to re… rehabituate you.”

Ray smiled to himself, but didn’t bother correcting him.

“Never is. They only ever hurt you.”

Ray swallowed. “Sara won’t hurt you. She’s just… being really stupid right now.”

It was Mick’s turn to give a small smile. “Is that dissent, Haircut?”

Ray gave a small laugh. “Who knew.”

“Expected better from my prison guard.”

The sting of that comment cut sharp into Ray. “I’m not your guard…” He said softly.

After a moment, Mick replied, “I know.”

They went back to silence. Ray found himself surprised by how quiet the Waverider was when the team wasn’t on board. There was some ticking and humming of the machine around them, but otherwise, it felt… empty.

“You don’t have to watch me,” Mick said suddenly. “I ain’t going nowhere.”

“I know,” Ray said. “I just… didn’t want you to be alone.”

“I like being alone,” Mick grumbled.

Ray smiled. “No you don’t. You like pretending you do.”

Mick growled. 

“They really should install a TV in here, huh?”

“Sounds like I have non-stop radio.”

“Har har,” Ray said. He paused. “How are you feeling?”

Mick grumbled. “Peachy.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you were, you know. Mad. At us.” He paused again. “At me.”

Mick sighed and gave the younger man a sideways look. “I ain’t mad at you, Haircut.”

Shew. “Is there anything you want me to get you?” Ray asked. “That is, if it’s  _ allowed _ , Gideon.”

“Your sarcasm is duly noted, Dr. Palmer.”

“I just need…” Mick paused. “Outta here.”

“Yeah,” Ray agreed.

They fell quiet once again. It was going to be a long few hours.

* * *

He was locked up, and he couldn’t get out. His dad had shut him in his room again, so that he would be there when his dad got home from the bar. At least his father didn’t hurt his mom. Just him. He was the only one who deserved it.

The belt cut through his skin, and he tried so hard not to cry out, it was worse when he made noise, the quieter he was the less he was noticed… the less likely someone would hurt him…

But the next belting crossed the first one and he couldn’t help it, he cried out and he just cried and why couldn’t he remember why he deserved this.

He was hurting him… No, there were more of them. Their Russian accents so thick he couldn’t really understand what they wanted, what he had done this time… but they were hurting him… No. They were hurting Haircut. Ray was beside him, he was right there, and watching them hit the younger man hurt even worse than the physical pain. He didn’t want to care about the guy. He didn’t want to care about anyone. But the stupid asshole kept digging his way into his… whatever… please stop hurting him… he doesn’t deserve it…

I do. Hurt me instead.

_ You know you deserve this, right? _ The prison guard was sneering down at him, baton still raised high in the air. Mick pushed himself backward, the cold cement of the isolation cell biting at the open wounds on his back. He searched his brain. What had he done this time? Was it when he had spat at the one guard who was taunting Leonard? Was it when he had head-butted that guard for making fun of his burns?

Was he fourteen?

The baton came down and he could no longer keep from crying out.

Was he in his twenties?

_ You’re a waste of space _ , the guard snarled. 

Then the man was in his head.  _ They  _ were in his head. The Time Masters were filling all of the space in his mind, the searing pain of a kind of fire he had never felt before, a kind of fire that he would never love.

Where was Leonard? Why wasn’t he coming to save him?

Now they were electrocuting all of him. The Time Masters wavered above his face, their promises of safety and revenge costing him more than it was worth. The fire was throughout his whole being, his most precious friend betraying him, digging under his skin and burning through all of the tissue of his body.

“Mick…”

The soft voice broke through the electricity. It felt comforting. It felt safe. It felt like hope, and hope was dangerous and a lie and he couldn’t let that in, so he leaned into the pain pulsing throughout.

“Mick, you’re okay,” the voice said. It wasn’t the Time Masters. It left him with a lingering warmth. He was having a hard time not following that warmth.

“Mick, open your eyes.”

The voice was louder. The pain faded away. He flinched; the empty space where the electricity had been felt cold.

“Will this help?”

He dragged his eyelids open. He was locked up. Still in jail. No, he was on the Waverider. He was supposed to be safe here. Why was he locked up? He blinked and looked around, and there was Haircut, just on the other side of the glass. And Haircut had a lighter, and it was lit, and that the orange flame was dancing, swaying, burning, warm...

Mick nodded, unable to take his eyes away. A sense of calm washed over him, followed by gratefulness. 

He wasn’t sure how long he was caught up in the fire. Finally, Ray closed the Zippo, and Mick blinked. Took in a deep, shaky breath and looked around. 

* * *

“Where were you?” Ray asked, tucking the lighter into his pocket.

_ Against a wall _ , Normal Mick would have said. Or,  _ in fuckin’ jail. Thanks to my  _ friends. 

But this Mick didn’t seem to have the energy to keep his defenses up. “Sometimes… I’m here.” His voice rumbled quietly. “Sometimes it’s jail. Sometimes, I’m with the Time Masters.” He tapped his head. “Sometimes…” Mick hesitated, and Ray wasn’t sure if he was going to finish. “I’m with daddy dearest. He… he was a standup fella.”

“You’ve been through a lot,” Ray swallowed, a pang of sorrow rising in his chest.

Mick shrugged. 

“Doesn’t mean it’s your fault.”

Mick gave him a sidelong glance, but didn’t respond.

“All that stuff… everyone who hurt you… that’s on them. That’s not on you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do know it. You’re a good guy, Mick. I’m going to keep telling you until you believe it.”

Mick grumbled, and became increasingly interested in his boot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think I mentioned I'm watching Legends for the first time (as part of an entire Arrowverse binge, lord help me) and I just saw Welcome to the Jungle for the first time. HOLY. I had no idea they would go there with the dark Mick stuff. I am having ALL OF THE MICK FEELS. I don't understand how there aren't more codas to that episode!


End file.
